Unluckiest man alive

OK, couple clarifications straightaway:

1. The title is moderately hyperbolic; I am only somewhat unlucky. It's just that the planets have conspired to align pretty neatly this week and give me a giant week-long wedgie.

2. I am actually SUPER lucky as far as the basic stuff goes: pretty normal family, didn't have a dad that beat the crap out of my mom, didn't have a mom that beat the crap out of me, born with all limbs and faculties. Monetarily stable, and intellectually, well, ahem, on the right side of the curve. Sure, I could've been easier on the eye, but we'll cry about that later. Basically all that shit is fine.

3. It's not even that I have had a lifelong streak of bad luck, like I get run over by buses or that my house keeps getting broken into or that I get shit on by passing birds all the time. No.

It's that I have NO luck for little things.

I have never won anything that required luck. Ever. Bingo? Never. Raffle? Nope. Lottery? You must be kidding. The one thing that I did win, a bag of cheap candy at the lucky draw at my sixth (or seventh?) birthday party doesn't count because I'm pretty sure pushupmom rigged it so I could stop whining like the little prick that I was that I hadn't won anything yet .

In science, you know what NO luck for little things translates to?
1. Nothing fucking works the first time, and
2. Shit always happens when its your turn.

Take this week.

There is this crazy difficult experiment that takes a week to set up, and I'm on a deadline because, well, I'm always on a fucking deadline, and this is the last shot to get this right, OK? So I set the damn thing up over the week, go to the microscope and start imaging with the help of the technician. All good. And then he gets a call from his wife - she was going into labor or something, so he had to rush off. Sure enough, ten minutes later, the microscope gives me a giant middle finger and breaks down to a point beyond my abilities to fix it. Calling is obviously of no avail, because there's little the guy can do over the phone, and he has to take care of his wife. So I give up and take a little break. I head over to the men's room, have a drink at the water fountain, and walk back.

To find that I had locked myself out.

Cursing loudly and beating my fists against the door did no good (this was late in the evening, no one was around to help me get in), so I left. This place is also in the middle of nowhere, so I had to walk a solid mile an a half before I could reach public transport. Not too bad, except that the heavens opened as I stepped out, and I was drenched in five minutes flat...

And this was Monday.

(The story has a happy ending though. An angel in the form of a long lost friend called me out of nowhere; I found out he was ten minutes away, so we went out to drink. All was good for the day)

Other highlights just from this week:

--> New roommate who was supposed to be hot chick turns out to be fat acne-filled dude. Agreeable and sorta fun kinda dude, but far cry from what was promised.

--> Got an email from admin regarding paperwork that should've been filed WAY back, that both parties forgot about . OK, this is partly my fault, but still, getting an email that says you will be fired in 24 hours if you don't provide some bullshit piece of paper is somewhat unnerving.

--> At the end of a 14 hour day, at 10:30 pm, I spill a bunch of concentrated acid in the lab. HCl, which stings, is corrosive, and is acrid as hell. Spent a solid hour cleaning up, with the accompanying cursing.

--> Car broke. Pushupcar was working fine, and then the dude just broke for no reason that I can figure. Which leads to the next wedgie-inducing story.

Had to transport reagents from one campus to another, which apparently you cannot do on public transport. Me and my (admittedly not-so-innocuous-looking) white Styrofoam container were promptly thrown out. Literally. I was thrown out of a fucking vehicle by its irate driver. And he yelled at me for trying to break the rules and endanger his life. And since this was another "it's now or never" kind of experiment, I had to swallow my ego and leave. Or, more accurately, run around like a headless chicken for an hour or so trying to find someone else who would drive my ass and my reagents to the place. Fortunately, more angels showed up to help out...

...

Hm. You know what, after reading all this, maybe I'm not so unlucky. I think what happens with me is that I keep getting wedgied by life, and then angels appear out of nowhere and set it right. So I get screwed over, but something always ameliorates the pain... Now all I have to do is convince those angels to drop some cash and a hot woman in my lap when they're straightening out that wedgie...

Speaking of being screwed, here is a somewhat appropriate picture; this was taken outside an ice cream shop in India.