Winters make me fat

After the previous post regarding MLK, I probably should leave the rest of the day post-less just out of respect. But my body is hurting bad, so I thought I should just write about how badly out of shape I am.

See, yogi, as his name suggests, does yoga every once in a while. I also play when the weather is good. Which means that I o pretty much nothing when the weather gets a little chilly. I mean, pushups and pullups, all 8 of them (twice a week), probably help me not turn into Jabba the Hutt, but they don't do very much else in terms of keeping me actually fit.

This last fact was brought painfully into focus at the first Ultimate Frisbee game of the year this last Friday. I mean, everybody was rusty, so the quality of play sucked anyway, but, wow, I was in BAD shape. Here's how I could tell, as always, in list form:

1. I had my hands on my knees and was dry heaving FIVE MINUTES into the game.

2. They made me defend the weakest person on the team (happened to be a first-timer), and I still got beat consistently. And handily.

3. I subbed out four times, three times of which I got the distinct impression I was being nudged out.
3a. I didn't mind. I took it gladly.

4. The last game was to 5. I pleaded for it to be a game to 3.
4a. I was overjoyed when we got our asses handed to us. 5-1.

5. I can't move today.

Browning 12-gauge vs. yogi shoulder

Winner: Browning 12-guage. Barely. I know, I know, it's a sissy bruise, barely one at all. But if you've got good form, all you should've seen in the pic would be yogi's rippling and unblemished deltoids.

See, this is the problem when you go shooting with friends - everyone's talking, there are pretty women around, you want to impress them with your form, and then, just for the one round, you lose your focus just a bit and loosen up. And of course, since it's a 12-gauge, that means that when you fire, there's a skull-rattling recoil and your shoulder and cheekbone let you know for the next three hours that they were somewhat displeased by the turn of events.

But still, just because it's a matter of pride, I have to include a little factoid that you don't really need to know, but do now that I have told you - I still beat out the kids from Utah to win our little competition. Take that, Hansens.

Top Ten List -Sailing trip

No, this isn't one of those informative Top Ten lists; just a few things I feel compelled to write about. Sailing in the Solent was freaking awesome, so why not round it off with some blather. It's more like a list of highlights. Whatever.

10. Top one liner of the trip (from Paul, the skipper, upon sighting a somewhat less than ravishingly beautiful lady at the marina): "You know, I understand all women have the right to ugliness, but really, some of them do abuse the privilege."

9. Top Medicine I took along: No, not Stugeron for sea-sickness (well, maybe if you have a really quick gag reflex it might be what you need). Pepto Bismol. Two days of rice and beans + lots of milk in my many cups of tea = case of shits at sea. It could have been very very unpleasant, except for Pepto, which made it only marginally unpleasant.

8. Top accessory that was of no use: Waterproof Silicone ear plugs. The wind and water on deck wasn't crazy, so I didn't need it for that. However, I had to break them out at night, but to no avail. Turns out Silicone ear plugs are no match for pushupdad's window-rattling, tide-turning, eardrum-tearing snoring.

7. Top icky moment: During a somewhat choppy run, I had to go below deck to empty a kidney (see what those endless cups of tea do to you?), and I was told not to be a hero, but sit and pee instead. Not willing to clean up urine from the floor and possibly walls, I sat. Except we turned tack and simultaneously hit a giant wave, and the contents of the toilet bowl (fortunately devoid of any input from yogi) went WHOOSH, right up my ass-crack. We didn't hit a shower until two days later.

6. Top Unfortunate Visual: Speaking of ass-cracks, the skipper has THE hairiest I have had the misfortune of having to inadvertently lay my eyes on. Being the skipper, he was also the plumber on the boat, and he wore his pants low. Bad combination. Great guy otherwise.

5. Top Limerick (from a watch mate):
"There was a lady who begat
Three kids - Pat, Matt, and Tat,
The fun was in making 'em,
Not so much in nursing 'em -
There was no tit for Tat."

4. Top new skill: Tying knots. I had a phobia of knots (I knew the reef knot, and that was it. I have never been able to tie anything in my life. Honest); that has now been downgraded to just a deep ineptitude at tying knots. I still completely screw stuff up - it took me 4 days to get the most basic of them, the clove hitch - but at least now I know how to tie a few knots with fancy names: The double clove hitch, the bowline, the sheepshank... which I will now proceed to forget, I'm sure

3. Top reason to hate technology: A guy in my cabin had his iPhone alarm go off at 4:00 am, and then at 4:10, and then at 4:20... I had to hit him each time to wake him up because he could sleep right through it, and he'd hit snooze instead of off, and it would go off again. After a rough day's physical work and pushupdad's thunderous snoring, it was enough to make me want to throw it overboard.

2. Top reason to go back ashore: The beer. The food's alright, but the beer... mmh. Of course, too much beer will give you a case of the shits at sea, but as long as you have pepto, you'll be fine. As far as the whole prostitutes at ports theory goes, I didn't see any. Maybe they were there but just avoided the Indian guy chugging beer like a maniac. Maybe it's just a thing of the past. Or I don't know where to look. Either way, I didn't get acquainted with any, Oh and also, you get to eat desserts with names like Spotted Dick. Presumably named after what you get if you do get acquainted with prostitutes at ports.

1. Top reason to do all this is the first place: Because you can. It's that simple. If you can, do it. The Solent is beautiful, the Isle of Wight is beautiful, but even if you don't get to go all the way there, sail somewhere else. If you want to have an ocean adventure, don't go on a cruise and sit on a deck chair to get a tan, go sail to wherever you want to go. It is truly enjoyable (even if it's hard work), and time, energy and money well spent.

Bryce & Zion - backcountry hiking in Utah

BLOGGER IS NOT LETTING ME UPLOAD PICS - WILL DO LATER.

Well, here's a short little write-up about where I went this last week:

we flew into Vegas; sure enough, my backpack was the last one to come out, and when I hoisted it on my shoulders, there was an unmistakable smell of hot sauce (fucking TSA had opened my pack and the bottle apparently, and hadn't shut it. So all my stuff was saturated with HOT hot sauce. Awesome. So much for the thin air of Utah - all I coul breathe was habaneros all week. I did the entire trip with my eyes watering.)

Anyways, we drove out to Bryce (its about 3 hours from Vegas). Here's a tip - instead of interstate US-15 followed by 9 (in which case you will have to pass throught Zion), take US-15 and go on ahead till you hit 14, then take 89N. you'll drive through Dixie and Red Canyon, which are great drives. (9 is pretty average.)

Hiking is great in Bryce. The temps are lower than you'd think (40s ay night at 70s/80s during in the day - in July!), and of all the things we got pelted by hail at 2pm on the first day, so whatever you think of desert hiking, this is not it. So an extra layer (and a poncho) is well worth it.

But it is high-ish altitude; probably not enough to make you sick, but certainly something to keep in mind if you're prone to that kind of thing. Vegas is 2500 or so ft, Bryce is between 7500 and 9000 ft. The views of Bryce Canton are indeed breathtaking; I was expecting something close to Canyonlands (I've been there before), but this was totally different.

The hiking itself is pretty tough. Bryce only has one back-country trail which is unfortunate because you'd think the place has so much to offer. But the one trail that does exist is really awesome. Do it from South to North (its not a loop), so you'll be going downhill, and the camping sites are somewhat more convenient. Guess which way we went. Yep. N to S. Which is why at the end of day 1 we looked like this:

You'll be surprised at how varied the terrain is - there are almost pre-historic looking bogs that can really, well, bog you down. Rough going, but truly worth it. Water is a bit of a problem, but there are two streams that rarely run out. As always, do check with the rangers, but we didn't have a problem.

There are also camping areas near the North end of Bryce, and we crashed there for a night. It seemed adequate, nothing special, but you know how it is, once you camp in the backcountry, anything else seems really lame... But Bryce seems to have a bunch of walking tours (ranger programs, a midnight tour which I am told it not to be missed etc.) , and so if that's your thing, you should be happy.

1. See the hoodoos (ideally on the "under the rim" trail), worth it.
2. I won't bore you with the geological details, but learn about the stuff - its cool.
3. Peekaboo trail is somewhat overrated - horses use it, and I don't like horses. Or horse poo, which is abundant on the trail (alongwith the accompanying flies).
4. Navajo is super-steep but very good.
5. Obey speed limits. The cops are like hawks in the damn place. I'm now $125 poorer but wiser. Why not just be wise and resist the temptation to do 57 in a 35 zone?

We hit Zion on the way back - we could only stay there for a day, but here are a few things about Zion.

1. LOT more crowded than Bryce - reserve spaces!
2. much more infrastructure (shuttle to take you around, huge visitor center etc)
3. Absolutely ANAL camping rules. Bryce is a lot more laid back. Prepare to be pissed off about some inconvenience in the name of "following rules" at some point.
4. Do not miss Angel's landing. Its worth it. And for your own sanity/well being/health, please do that hike early in the morning. After 10:30 or so you'll lose the shade and the uphill hike WILL. KILL. YOU. We came downhill at 1 or so, and I wanted to die.

I fell sick on the way back (cold) which sucked, but overall, this is a trip well worth doing if you like backpacking.

Hunting Deer on the Versus channel

I don't know if you've seen this channel called Versus. Its the most wannabe-testostroney channel on the teevee machine. I can bet you a six-pack that any time you stop at Versusland while flipping through channels, you will see one of four things: People fishing, people hunting, people fighting, or things exploding. If you're lucky, some combination of all four. I've noticed my male friends watch this channel - they automatically sit up straighter, puff their chest out and make guttaral noises as they watch some fertilizer factory get burnt to a crisp or some thug beating another to a pulp in a ring. It just happens.

One of the things you can see pretty often on Vs. is dudes dresses in camouflage and orange hats shooting deer. There are a couple things I don't understand. One - if you're wearing the orange thing (which I get - you don't want anyone capping your ass), why even bother with the rest of the camouflage gear? What, you think people/animals will look at you and just see a floating orange cap? Dude, once you have that orange thing on, I'm pretty sure you can get away with wearing your gayest powder blue sweater that you bought from Gap, and you'll be just fine.

Second. You know, if you're going to kill an animal can you please stop talking about how pretty it is? The weirdest thing on the show is hunters gushing about "Wow... what a beautiful 8-pointer", or "Oh God, what an absolutely awesome buck", and then SHOOTING A BULLET INTO THE DAMN ANIMAL. Dude, if it's THAT beautiful, why don't you take a photo or something? See, initially, I thought my take on this was because of my vegetarianism or my upbringing or my pocketbook Buddhist philosophy. But no, even if I was born in a family that hunted to put food on the table, I would still say this shit is stupid. If you want venison for dinner, shoot the damn thing, take it home and eat it; I don't care. You can either sing praises of an animal and keep walking, or shut up and shoot an animal. If you're all so much in awe of the animal, let the damn thing live and take out the ugly ones so that other people can admire the awesome ones, man.

I mean, the way I look at it is this - if you were on an island stuck with two women, one who's ugly and the other who's crazy hot, and you HAD to eat one of them to survive, tell me honestly, which on would you kill? Yeah, I know which one you would. Except if you're a hunter that is; in that case, I bet you'd put your stupid orange hat on, breathlessly sing praises of the hot chick's rack in a hushed voice... and then blow her brains out.

Jackasses.

Awesome.



Not so awesome.

Day trip - On the Skyline drive, shenandoah, VA

As some of you know, I've been somewhat bogged down this holiday, so I decided to take a day off and head out to the countryside to get a breath of fresh air. What with the day highs hovering at an unseasonably warm 60 degrees (not a squeak from you eh, Matt Drudge?), we decided to hit the Skyline Drive in the Shenandoah in VA. So me and my friend drove west on 66 on a rented Chevy Aveo. More on this car in another post...


The Skyline Drive is worth doing. I can see why it would be gorgeous during spring and fall. The simplest way to do it if you're in the DC area is to do a quadrilateral - I-66, skyline, I-64, I-95. We drove out on the Lee Highway because I avoid interstates if possible. Driving up the Lee Highway by itself was refreshing, and so was the middle third that we drove through (Luray to Elkton). Skyline Drive is peppered with "Outlook points", and places that you can park and hit the Appalachian Trail (which runs more or less parallel to the drive). I'm not going to recommend one or the other point, because everyone has different tastes, and they are mostly all pretty. However, there IS one place that I would recommend - when you're in the middle third of the dive, do not miss the Dark Hollow Falls.



I have a thing for water, so I jumped at this one, and I didn't regret it. Its a solid 3/4ths of a mile one way and a pretty steep downhill trek from the road to the actual falls; it was icy in patches but certainly no more than mild-to-moderately challenging. We ran down and came back at a pretty decent clip (felt a little winded and was sweaty, but only because of the speed of ascent and temperature. Plus I'm in terrible shape). They say it takes 1 1/4 hr; we took 45 minutes.

But the falls themselves are very pretty. It's more a set of smaller falls as opposed to one massive drop, and it is accessible at several places. Given the time of the year, the flow was not torrential and the water was SUPER icy cold. It tasted good, but less sweet than I expected. Overall, well worth the 10 bucks for the weekly pass and something I would DEFINITELY do again in the spring and fall next year.

The other thing which I will do next year is go visit to a vineyard. There are several in the area, and we wanted to go to Veritas or Jefferson, which apparently are good. And this organic ice cream maker called Perfect Flavor in Waynesboro...

Also on the trip, I almost ran over a cop who had pulled someone over. I guess I was so hypnotized by the lights that I forgot to move over one lane. My mirror missed his ass by about two feet. Man, was he PISSED. I sort of apologized while driving off, but I kept my eyes glued to the rear view mirror for a while; I was pretty sure he would catch up and give me an earful (at the very least), and there was no way I was going to speed up to out race him, was there...

After we got off the drive, We stopped at Elkton for some (pretty awful) diner food. I felt bad for the small town. The place (or what we saw) was dying. There was absolutely nothing that I could say was positive about the place. It wasn't even quaint or pretty. Honestly, when people talk admiringly about small towns here in America, I just don't get it. Really. What I saw was a set of decrepit buildings, failing businesses, meth addicts and a general air of staleness. And a remarkable ability to screw up fries that came out of a freezer bag.

But jokes apart, these are the places that politicians talk about when they talk about main street being in trouble. And it is true - places like Elkton are in deep, deep trouble. I don't want to sound TOO negative about the place because I only got a snapshot, but what I did see wasn't pretty. We spoke to a couple locals, and you could tell times are not good. But its more than just shuttered shops and unpainted houses; it's this sense of foreboding that you get from the place and the people that tell you that something is seriously wrong. I don't know what it is or what caused it or what the future holds for these people. But what I do know is that while we could drive away and head back to comfort of our homes to blog about lousy french fries, the people of Elkton can't. This is their life. And it isn't looking too hot right now.