Top Ten List -Sailing trip

No, this isn't one of those informative Top Ten lists; just a few things I feel compelled to write about. Sailing in the Solent was freaking awesome, so why not round it off with some blather. It's more like a list of highlights. Whatever.

10. Top one liner of the trip (from Paul, the skipper, upon sighting a somewhat less than ravishingly beautiful lady at the marina): "You know, I understand all women have the right to ugliness, but really, some of them do abuse the privilege."

9. Top Medicine I took along: No, not Stugeron for sea-sickness (well, maybe if you have a really quick gag reflex it might be what you need). Pepto Bismol. Two days of rice and beans + lots of milk in my many cups of tea = case of shits at sea. It could have been very very unpleasant, except for Pepto, which made it only marginally unpleasant.

8. Top accessory that was of no use: Waterproof Silicone ear plugs. The wind and water on deck wasn't crazy, so I didn't need it for that. However, I had to break them out at night, but to no avail. Turns out Silicone ear plugs are no match for pushupdad's window-rattling, tide-turning, eardrum-tearing snoring.

7. Top icky moment: During a somewhat choppy run, I had to go below deck to empty a kidney (see what those endless cups of tea do to you?), and I was told not to be a hero, but sit and pee instead. Not willing to clean up urine from the floor and possibly walls, I sat. Except we turned tack and simultaneously hit a giant wave, and the contents of the toilet bowl (fortunately devoid of any input from yogi) went WHOOSH, right up my ass-crack. We didn't hit a shower until two days later.

6. Top Unfortunate Visual: Speaking of ass-cracks, the skipper has THE hairiest I have had the misfortune of having to inadvertently lay my eyes on. Being the skipper, he was also the plumber on the boat, and he wore his pants low. Bad combination. Great guy otherwise.

5. Top Limerick (from a watch mate):
"There was a lady who begat
Three kids - Pat, Matt, and Tat,
The fun was in making 'em,
Not so much in nursing 'em -
There was no tit for Tat."

4. Top new skill: Tying knots. I had a phobia of knots (I knew the reef knot, and that was it. I have never been able to tie anything in my life. Honest); that has now been downgraded to just a deep ineptitude at tying knots. I still completely screw stuff up - it took me 4 days to get the most basic of them, the clove hitch - but at least now I know how to tie a few knots with fancy names: The double clove hitch, the bowline, the sheepshank... which I will now proceed to forget, I'm sure

3. Top reason to hate technology: A guy in my cabin had his iPhone alarm go off at 4:00 am, and then at 4:10, and then at 4:20... I had to hit him each time to wake him up because he could sleep right through it, and he'd hit snooze instead of off, and it would go off again. After a rough day's physical work and pushupdad's thunderous snoring, it was enough to make me want to throw it overboard.

2. Top reason to go back ashore: The beer. The food's alright, but the beer... mmh. Of course, too much beer will give you a case of the shits at sea, but as long as you have pepto, you'll be fine. As far as the whole prostitutes at ports theory goes, I didn't see any. Maybe they were there but just avoided the Indian guy chugging beer like a maniac. Maybe it's just a thing of the past. Or I don't know where to look. Either way, I didn't get acquainted with any, Oh and also, you get to eat desserts with names like Spotted Dick. Presumably named after what you get if you do get acquainted with prostitutes at ports.

1. Top reason to do all this is the first place: Because you can. It's that simple. If you can, do it. The Solent is beautiful, the Isle of Wight is beautiful, but even if you don't get to go all the way there, sail somewhere else. If you want to have an ocean adventure, don't go on a cruise and sit on a deck chair to get a tan, go sail to wherever you want to go. It is truly enjoyable (even if it's hard work), and time, energy and money well spent.