KR Sridhar and the BloomBox - must see video!

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Can this really be true? The "beach sand" is obviously SiO2, but I wonder what's in the green and black paints... at $3000/box, he is right, this will revolutionize the way we produce energy. Can't wait to read more on this. And a desi geek to boot! Yay!!!

Why India SUCKS at athletics

...well, not just Indians, but also Pakistanis and Sri Lankans and Bangladeshis and Nepalis and Bhutanese. And whoever the hell participates in the South Asian Games. In this particular case, the giant snafu was in Dhaka, Bangladesh, where I hope heads roll for this, but this gives you an idea of the amount South Asians care for athletics.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/sports/events-tournaments/south-asian-games/South-Asian-Games-Marathon-ends-7-kms-short-of-official-distance/articleshow/5553100.cms

THEY CAN'T MEASURE THE DAMN DISTANCE REQUIRED FOR A MARATHON.

Oh, and the Indians were far better, check this out: they missed the entire closing ceremony because of a traffic jam.


At first it's funny, and then it's really, really sad. Don't give me this b.s. of "oh we're a poor nation, we're just developing, there aren't any funds." If you can't make it to the ceremony of the games where you won some 90 gold medals, you suck. That's it.

Indian Ancestry on Nature's cover. Awesome!

I just got this week's Nature magazine. (Yes, I have a personal subscription. There are copies of Nature and Science on my TV tray. Yes, I am a dork.)

And this is what is on the cover:

The actual article by Reich, Thangaraj, Patterson, Price and Singh (and a really neat "News and Views" section written by Aravinda Chakravarti at Hopkins) basically looks at the variation in genomes of individuals from India. Without getting into the weeds, what they did was to analyze DNA from 25 different groups in India, from different geographical areas, from different castes and language groups, and then do some statistical heavy lifting to look at how similar/dissimilar simple variations in sequences (SNPs) are across these groups.

What these studies reveal is something that anyone (myself included) may have intuited just by growing up in various parts of India. There is an amazing breadth of established groups/communities. I mean, anyone who has seen Indian currency will know that we have 15 national languages, and it is quite commonplace to cross state lines and have absolutely no idea what the hell is being spoken (upon which broken English and furious gesticulation will work). But what this study says is that there are basically "Ancestral North Indians" (ANI) and "Ancestral South Indians" (ASI) who have two distinct lineages (Indo-European and Dravidian, respectively), and current day Indians are basically a melange of these two lineages, with ANIs strong in the North and fading towards the South, and vice-versa with ASIs (the other language groups - Austro-asiatic, Tibeto-burman, and Andamanese are sub-variants of ANI and ASIs). This spectrum is reflected in skin color (light to dark), languages, and even caste structure. (Upper and middle tend to be more ANIs, lower castes tend to cluster with ASIs.

The group also makes a case for "founder effects" (basically, genetic bottlenecks) well AFTER 3000 BC when the Dravidians showed up, and 1500 BC when the Indo-European speakers showed up, suggesting that many dispersed communities were established and then they stayed put. The paper also reveals little nuggets - the Santhal and Kharia tribes, which are Austro-asiatic, are descendants of people that arrived 60,000 years ago? Yep, sixTY thousand. The groups also makes the case for marriages within communities (endogamy) has been happening for many centuries, resulting in some interesting disease predispositions.

Overall, this is one really cool study, which you should read (even if the stats may be somewhat inaccessible). As Chakravarti points out, this is only the start - many more detailed analyses should be done on the Indian population to get a true picture of the genetic tapestry that is India.

But that being said, the concept of ANIs and ASIs brings me back to something I have always said : North and South India are two different countries, man...

Groundwater Tables in India - a dire situation indeed

Did you read about this? The ground water is falling DRAMATICALLY in India. I mean, I knew that India's water resources are under some serious strain, but FIFTY FOUR CUBIC KILOMETERS LOST EVERY YEAR?????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

You can read Richard Kerr's article about it here ; the Original article is by VM Tiwari et. al., but I can't link to it right now. It includes some very cool satellite imaging that records very small localized changes in Earths gravity, and uses it to track water content at or below the surface.

Here is the money chart.



Green is OK; means the water tables are more or less stable. Not bad for most of central India and some of the west (which gets poured on every monsoon season). The blues indicate some trouble; unsurprisingly, Tamil Nadu in the south east is shaded blue; the state is always just that bit short on water (the North east monsoons yield less that far south; Bangladesh gets dumped on during that cycle).

But you see that GIANT swathe of dark blues, purples, and hot pinks?

Yeah, those people are FUCKED.

When you have 600 million or so people living in the plains of the Ganges and drawing on groundwater for irrigation to feed themselves, you're bound to run into problems. But 10 or more centimeters a year????

Oh Jeez. Oh Jeez. This is not going to end well.

Update: Reader Pzau points out that the states currently worst-hit by drought are in Central India, and therefore should be darker pink. Not quite. This graph shows you the rate of water table decline, which is independent of the current water table levels in any particular area. In fact, it is quite likely that areas that are already arid would have a small drop (if any) in the water table because the levels are already so low, they can't go any lower, either because the aquifiers have dried up, or because the satellite can no longer pick up changes in signals.

Great new weight loss plan!!!

Here's my 5-step plan that I plan to patent:

1. Get a bad upper-respiratory tract infection.

2. Suffer for about a week. The sneezing, hacking and coughing will tone your abs.

3. Go on a 5-day course of Azythromycin.

4. Your bowels will turn to mush. You will get the shits so bad that you will be spewing contents of your esophagus down, about 4 times a day.

5. Weigh yourself to see the slimmer, healthier and lighter you!!!

It's quite simple, really.

Of course, there is an Optional Deluxe package of Indian parents showing up at your house on that same week. In this case, you will also experience:

6. Home-made super spicy traditional Indian food (known to turn bowels to mush even in healthy individuals).

7. Deceptively counter-intuitive ribbing from mother regarding appearance of the smallest of convexities around the midriff (Hey yogi -poke, poke, poke at belly flab- you've put on weight with all this American food)

8. Constant badgering of Indian mom about getting married (known to turn Indian and Jewish bowels to mush).

9. Daily dose of "advice" from Indian parents. This will involve the point-by-point dissection of various character flaws in exquisite detail every morning. And afternoon. And evening. Of course, all for my own good.

And the Ultra-deluxe package, which will shave off another 10 pounds, guaranteed:

10. Long weekend camping with extended Indian family in the middle of nowhere, none of whom have camped before.

I'm done.

Savita Bhabhi. Posted without comment

More HOW CAN SHE SLAP ME?!?!?? - what it teaches us about Indian men

All I've been doing is watch this video OVER and OVER and OVER. And OVER. YOU HAVE TO SEE THE VIDEO TO GET THIS ESSAY (you can scroll down for the embed). This is one of the gems on the Internet that keeps giving. But one thing that struck me today, and I'm going to share this with you because I think it's important, is how the video reveals the four different character types of Indian men:

1. The wannabe-alpha-but-really-wimpy-ass male: The protagonist. He's alpha enough to say something snide to the woman, and get mad when he gets slapped, but that's about it. All his machismo ends with the return slap. The rest is downhill. Watching him get his ass whupped is especially enjoyable given how his masculinity, on full display when he hit the woman, simply evaporates into thin air. What we're left with is a bruised and battered (both body and ego) whimpering fifth grader who has to get led out of the studio so he can change out of his soiled pants. This is he kind of guy who will take you out to an expensive restaurant, wine and dine you, promise you the earth and skies, and then will go completely limp in bed. Most likely to go to sleep in a fetal position, with you comforting him and shushing him quietly to sleep as you sip warm chocolate and bemoan your lousy choice for a date.

2. The angry young man: Epitomized by Amitabh Bachchan in the '70s, this would be the co-host of the show, who, miffed that his hair-trigger lady co-host got bitch-slapped by an even more hair-triggered wannabe-alpha-but-really-wimpy-ass male, gets into the act. Under the guise of defending the honor of the above-mentioned lady, all that pent-up anger resulting from his miserable love life, unhappy and impoverished childhood, and retard agent who put him on this dumb-ass show in the first place, gets poured onto the weaker and soon-to-be-sorry ass #1 character-type dude. The quick transition from broken TV English to the choicest of Indian cuss words reveals how quickly the thin veneer of bollywood polish can be stripped away under appropriate circumstances to expose raw testosterone. This is also the guy who will take your clothes off, whether you want it or not, two minutes after you've gone back to your home with him after the date, and then will rough you up while telling you that you wanted it this way. You will most likely have to head into work for the next week with a couple extra layers of make-up to hide the bruises.

3. The beta-and-a-half: You may have missed this, but look at the video again. Now spot the guy with the pink shirt and brown shorts. See what he does? Runs right in and kicks type 1 in the nuts when he's on the floor. And in the face. And in the ribs. Then he runs away, just in case, you know, the guy who's getting mauled by #2 types might get up, run after him, and whup his ass. And then he comes back (because you know, his transferred anger at the co-hosts robbed honor comes in waves), and when #2 is totally down, punches him again and then again beats a hasty retreat. Happy that he's gotten to actually beat someone up, he can now run back to his boys and spin tall tales about how he destroyed a goon with his bare hands to protect the honor of a fair maiden who was being harassed by above said goon. This is the guy that will constantly snipe at you and watch other men watch you throughout the night, occasionally beating them up when he's had enough to drink. And then blame you for it. This is also the kind of guy who will have a vasectomy and wait until you get pregnant before he tells you about it.

4. The thoroughly beta male: The second contestant who didn't get bitch-slapped. You see what happened to him? Yep, watch the epitome of virility and manliness slink out of the frame at about 0:20. A true survivor. You know, when Matthew talks about the meek inheriting the Earth? This is the guy first in line. His bravery and presence of mind give me goose-bumps. Oh, there are way more men than you think who fit this bill. Except you'll never know because you never see them, unless you have the misfortune of getting arranged to one of them. In which case good luck, because he's going to jizz in his pants when you touch his hand. But even if you aren't married to them, and even if you can't see them, know this: they're watching you. And imagining you naked.

********************************************************************************

BONUS: (yes, today was a light work day)

1. Check out the short but well-done Millie Remix.

2. The surprisingly entertaining Techno Remix.

3. The Indian TV Remix that delves deeper into the incident and involves other players.

And the ultimate overkill mix, the How can she slap me Insane Edition.

Update: OK, response to the comments:

1. You asked about the foul-mouthed woman. I am in no way defending her actions. I think she was totally out of line. It was bad enough that she yelled at the dude for no reason (really, the F-word on TV? In response to someone saying he didn't want to talk to you? I don't know yo... I have women tell me they don't want to talk to me, all the time. I don't go around telling them to f-off...), but then to actually bitch-slap the dude? m-m-mm. Bad form. Totally tasteless. But then again, you get slapped by a woman, you walk off, or you restrain her or something. (When I get slapped, I turn around an take a bow for the audience. And then make a hasty exit stage left) But to slap her like that? (notice his shoulder, hip, everything went into that pimp-slap). That is not kosher at all...

2. What category do I fit into... Ah, that would be the rarest of rare, one-in-a-million, diamond-in-the-rough, hidden category #5. Example, the producer of the show. In the midst of all this ruckus, this is the dude in the Hawaiian shirt behind the camera with his rum and coke and Cuban cigar, watching this whole thing unfold with a giant smirk on his face. He is also the guy making a bunch of money off of this sordid show. And is also probably banging bitchslap woman for all she's worth.

I'm that guy. Of course, minus the money, shirt, alcohol, nicotine. And bitchslap woman.

"HOW CAN SHE SLAP?!?!?!" must watch, must go viral video

{{Bonus: After detailed analysis, I have come up with a list of 4 Indian male character types that are revealed in this video. For the complete character analysis, click here. But only AFTER you see the video}}

I hope this video of a TV host bitch-slapping a contestant and getting pimp-slapped in return goes viral. I really do. I don't quite understand the premise though - its some retard game show where the host, dressed like some dominatrix (even though there the whip and all the accoutrements are obviously for show only), gives these guys a rough time. I don't know who's brainchild it is, but it must help with all the suppressed sexuality that young Indian men have to live with.

Anyway, watch what happens when the dominatrix goes, oh well, somewhere, and everybody ends up regretting the move.



Its a sorry, sorry episode. Says a lot about Indian TV and Indian men. Not very good things. (before you pounce on me; I didn't choose the title of the youtube video). Although the beating and thoroughly Indian cursing is thoroughly enjoyable.

Update: And of course, some genius came up with this. Gottalove it.



Update 2: Remarkably, the TV show actually went on!!! Wow...

The Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women - my heroes

You may or may not have heard of this, but there is this ultraconservative Hindu group called the "Shri Ram Sena" (the army of Ram - an Indian god, who is probably turning over in his celestial grave at the sight of his name being used by a group like this). They call them the Hindu Taleban, with some good reason.

These guys have decided to wage war on Valentine's day, because you know, it's SUCH a western concept, and destroys the chastity of demure young Indian women. Apparently the sight of young people actually falling in love and holding hands (gasp!) without their parents giving them off in marriage to someone they haven't met before is sending the old farts into conniptions. This attitude alone deserves a separate rant on this blog, and will probably get it soon.

But for today, here's saluting the The Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women, a Facebook group that's urging women to stand up to these thugs, and go ahead and have that drink at a pub. They're also planning to send a bunch of these pink knickers to the Sena, which I think is a great way to neutralize these blue-balled sex-starved neandrathals (btw, chaddi - rhymes with cruddy with a real hard d - in Hindi means underwear. That's also a dig at another right wing group called the RSS, but we'll get into that later). I can just imagine their heads exploding (lousy but appropriate pun I think) at the sight/small/touch of these lovely undergarments...

Up yours, sexist pigs.

Fresh-off-the-boat Indian folk: Mistake #1

I feel like I have to include the following disclaimer: this post is intended to be snark and snark only. So please spare me the "don't hate on us Indians" attitude. On the other hand, feel free to add other mistakes that you may have made or that you may have heard other people make. I'll try to make a little list.

As far as I know, the cheeseburger has GOT to be the all-time most common mistake made by FOB desis (pron. "they-sees" this is what Indians call Indians). I guess the word "cheese" in close apposition to the word "burger" must conjure up images of a bun with slices of cheese in it; I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed (with sadistic glee) the facial expressions on my vegetarian friends as they take their bite out of a cheese burger. This happened to me recently, and so I thought I should present to you what I thought the dude's thought process went like:

Yum, can't wait to sink my teeth into all that cheese and burger buns

**bite**
Yum, cheese...

**chew**
Wait...

**swallow**
What was that? That didn't taste like cheese...

**squint at suspiciously brown layer under yellow layer between buns**
Hmm, it doesn't look like cheese...

**squint at pushupyogi**
Why is pushupyogi pointing at me and laughing?

**realization slowly seeping in**
It can't be, can it?

**feeling of dread**
It is?

**Incredulousness**
It really is?

**token skepticism**
Naw, come on...

**squint at pushupyogi - he's saying the word...**
BEEF?????

**.......**
Mother cow?????

**flash of framed picture of vishnu and Kamadhenu / Nandi (the celestial cow) from childhood**
Oh Shit.

**flash of next incarnation as a gimpy calf in a lion's cage**
I'm going to die.

**ok, maybe not**
My parents will be SO disappointed.

**Well, it didn't taste THAT bad...**

And then finally, you'll hear these exact words:

"Well, I've already swallowed it; I can't do anything about it NOW, can I? And besides, I didn't know that it was meat when I ate it, so it's all good. Um, I'll go get some french fries I think..."

Best Indian Movie Fight scene. EVER.

Now, I just happened to notice a list of 9 lamest fight scenes ever on blogfaction; not surprisingly, there are not one, but TWO Indian Fight scenes. And coming in at #1, the BEST movie fight scene according to the list is...

(I know they call it lamest, but I'm beaming with pride at an Indian movie coming at #1 at anything. In my mind, that makes it the best, by default.)



With due respect to the list (and it is a good one), I have a personal favorite. Maybe because it's in my language, and you have the added bonuses of poetry, dance and traditional music. Plus the most handsome man in Tamil movies, T R. Don't miss the acrobatic showboating before each fight. And the most AWESOME taunt EVER towards the end:

Vaadaa yen machchi,
Vaazhakkaa bajji,
won odambe pichchi
potuduven bajji

Which translates to:

Come on my friend
Plantain tempura
I'll tear your body
and fry it into a tempura.

I'm overwhelmed...

Man Vs. Food - the hot curry eating episode

Now I don't know if you've seen this show Man Vs. Food on the travel channel before. First off, what's up with the channel? First it was Andrew Zimmern, who made his millions eating chicken assholes in some Korean alley.Then it was Anthony Bourdain, who did exactly the same thing in a less jolly manner on a different time slot. And now there's Man Vs. Food with Adam Richman. Why don't they just fire Samantha Brown and rename the channel "The weird channel where you can see people eat stuff you really shouldn't be eating."?

Anyway, so the whole premise about the show, as far as I can make out, is that this dude Adam goes about to various parts of the country and eats at local eats and competes in food challenges. The guy seems reasonably affable and portly - which is surprising, because given what he does, he should weigh 450 and have sausages instead of veins. But I've seen him eat a 4.5 lb steak, a 5.5 lb pizza, and almost down a 7.5 lb burger. That's like eating a baby. Coming from a country where there are lots of people who genuinely have little to eat, this much excess is truly repulsive to me. At least with Zimmern, there seems to be a respect for food that nourishes us, even if the food is composed of aviary posteriors. What you have here is a show where your meal is a foe that needs to be vanquished. Its a weird concept.

All this eaten by one man - episode from somewhere in TX:



But you really should see the show if you have a morbid sense of humor. ANY doubts you had about why the hell we are such a fat and sickly country will be immediately and permanently dispelled. Most of the episodes are shot in the South (huh, who'dve thunk THAT?) in ordinary, inexpensive, popular joints. You should just see the patrons of these various eateries stuff their faces with enough meat and fat to reconstitute a small mammal. You KNOW they're going to get their fourth heart attack some time in the next few months, and honestly, I don't care. EXCEPT THAT IT DRIVES UP MY INSURANCE PREMIUMS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO CALL IN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT TO HAUL YOUR LARD ASS THROUGH THE DOOR FRAME TO THE ER.

So yes, this pisses me off big time. But anyway, on to this weeks show...

The dude stuffs his face with some more processed animal at one place, an then decides to hit this Indian place in town (NYC I think). They have a challenge - he who can eat a bowl of their hottest curry gets a prize. The owner dude (cue Appu accent) takes him into the kitchen, he and the chef (cue SERIOUS Appu accent - I have no idea what the chef said) strap on gas masks - no kidding - and they make the stuff, adding heapfuls of different kinds of peppers, including a bunch of ground white pepper. Now, I HAVE come face to face with this stuff, and it isn't something to be trifled with. The whole pepper is super small and white - the plant obviously didn't waste energy in things like size and pigmentation - and will absolutely knock you off your feet. You just have to touch it and wipe your face accidentally, and you WILL regret it. They simmer the sauce, which has already taken on the look of molten lava, for a while; then almost as an afterthought, they add a few chunks of chicken to it. The gave this Adam dude some Pulao and Naan, and Mango Lassi to quench the fire. Which is really like pissing into an active volcanic cone and hoping to quiet it down.


Adam Richman, the pain has only just started.



Long story short, the guy actually manages to finish the thing in some time, with some pretty women egging him on (why aren't there babes cheering ME on when I'm eating spicy food at a restaurant, I always wonder). He makes the novice mistake of wiping his face with the napkin that he'd wiped his mouth; and his cherubic face instantly turns the color of Oklahoma on election night. I laugh mercilessly, because all I can think of is his insides pleading for the onslaught to stop.

And then something happens which makes me feel even more sorry for this guy. I mean, I generally fell sorry for people who put their bodies through all this crap for money - come on, who really wants to eat 7.5 lb burgers or chicken assholes? It's humiliating. But this dude Adam really got shafted at the end of this episode. Places that have weird eating challenges give you cash ($500, I've seen it in the past), a framed photo on the wall, a T-shirt and cap, something like that if you win the challenge. You know what Adam Richman got for liquifying his entire alimentary canal and waking up to the most painful crap of his life?

A free beer.

Come on, man...

"You know, I used to work for Satyam before this job..."


Update: Check out the comments! Someone ACTUALLY took the challenge and wrote here - woohoo! No cameras, no pretty women, no bullshit. i.e. A true hero (Also recipient of ONE measly Kingfisher, unfortunately...)

The best Indian song in English. EVER.

Following the happiness I (and apparently a few others) derived from seeing the best Indian movie dialog in English. EVER. , I thought I'd follow it up with this immortal hit from Kannade movie super star Rajkumar. If your ears bleed, you've been warned. Bonus: Try to decipher the English. For every complete line you get right, drink. (you'll stay sober all night.)

Update: For the best buffalaxed song, EVER, you've got to see this. Though i you live in the North East, you've probably seen this video on a weekend morning on your Desi/Indian channel...

(h/t reader JC)



Update 2: There *is* a small issue that I have with Buffalaxed songs - I understand the real words, and that really messes up the bilingual homonymy.

Update 3: The text edit just underlined homonymy. What the... ???? Philistines.