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I feel like I have to include the following disclaimer: this post is intended to be snark and snark only. So please spare me the "don't hate on us Indians" attitude. On the other hand, feel free to add other mistakes that you may have made or that you may have heard other people make. I'll try to make a little list.
As far as I know, the cheeseburger has GOT to be the all-time most common mistake made by FOB desis (pron. "they-sees" this is what Indians call Indians). I guess the word "cheese" in close apposition to the word "burger" must conjure up images of a bun with slices of cheese in it; I cannot tell you how many times I have witnessed (with sadistic glee) the facial expressions on my vegetarian friends as they take their bite out of a cheese burger. This happened to me recently, and so I thought I should present to you what I thought the dude's thought process went like:
Yum, can't wait to sink my teeth into all that cheese and burger buns
**bite**
Yum, cheese...
**chew**
Wait...
**swallow**
What was that? That didn't taste like cheese...
**squint at suspiciously brown layer under yellow layer between buns**
Hmm, it doesn't look like cheese...
**squint at pushupyogi**
Why is pushupyogi pointing at me and laughing?
**realization slowly seeping in**
It can't be, can it?
**feeling of dread**
It is?
**Incredulousness**
It really is?
**token skepticism**
Naw, come on...
**squint at pushupyogi - he's saying the word...**
BEEF?????
**.......**
Mother cow?????
**flash of framed picture of vishnu and Kamadhenu / Nandi (the celestial cow) from childhood**
Oh Shit.
**flash of next incarnation as a gimpy calf in a lion's cage**
I'm going to die.
**ok, maybe not**
My parents will be SO disappointed.
**Well, it didn't taste THAT bad...**
And then finally, you'll hear these exact words:
"Well, I've already swallowed it; I can't do anything about it NOW, can I? And besides, I didn't know that it was meat when I ate it, so it's all good. Um, I'll go get some french fries I think..."
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