Holy Shit, I'm finally back

Wow. April to August. Nothing.

WOW.

I mean, I knew I was super busy, but still. OK, excuses time:

1. I got adult onset chicken pox. I mean, do you know how painful that is? Apart from my beautiful visage being cratered for life, I also had lesions in my throat. Couldn't swallow. Or talk (probably worse). And the fatigue...

2. I almost got knifed in Puerto Rico. This is a LONG story, which I will get to when I carpal-tunneled wrists feel up to it.

3. Work. This would have been lame, except that it isn't. Work has indeed been tight.

4. I moved. Away from the boondocks, closer to civilization, which means I look more like a loser when I sit alone at home and blog.

5. The world cup (which the Germans should have won). I think I saw EVERY group stage match.

42 years today.

Martin Luther King Jr was shot dead.

Seeing this video, no matter how many times I do it, sends chills down my spine.

42 years ago.

Just 42 years.

Why blog, yogi?

... just got a disapproving comment (that will stay unpublished) asking me about how I can write the way I do, being the person I am. (These people know yogi in real life, and yogi in real life is more normal). If you know me, perhaps you have thought this too. To them, and to you, I say this:

Perhaps my blog is a projection of the parts of me that DOES look at my world as one squalid messed up place. Maybe that is who yogi is - me at my funniest, narcissistic, misogynistic, drunken, outrageous best. Or worst. Perhaps as yogi I look at myself and choose to be whatever part of me I want to be at that point in time, knowing that writing about that me at that time is pure, beautiful and unadulterated joy. No more, no less. No agenda, no planning, no forethought, no afterthought. Just happiness.

That's all there is to it.

Post meeting crash

I had a big, BIG meeting just yesterday. The kind that you spend sleepless nights ahead of, so you don't end up looking like a complete jack-ass in front of some very smart people.

So what do you do after you blow them away?

You crash. That's what you do. It's amazing how the brain just stops working. Your body does too; your sleep schedule and appetite are all out of whack, but it's the cobwebs in the brain that are really awesome. I mean, I don't really understand it. You are functioning just fine, it wasn't like I was walking into stuff or blathering like a fool (this I usually do, but that's beside the point. I don't usually feel like my head is full of cobwebs). But my brain was just dead. I tried doing some thinking, but it would shut off after a little bit.

I really wonder what it could be. "Fatigue" doesn't cut it. No, what is it that makes the brain like it's had enough and needs time to recuperate after a bit of stress? It's not like lactic acid buildup in muscles, can't be oxygen deprivation... hm. Wonder what.

Why cars are like women - one more reason

So you know how they say cars are like women because they're awesome, they're sexy, they are expensive, all that stuff. Well, here's another reason.

How your car behaves under stress can be determined by who drove it before you.

If someone totally messed with your car before you got it, it may look great from the outside, but every once in a while, you're in bumfuck Pennsylvania and you brake hard, and then the damn thing could just break. And then my friend, you're screwed.

ps: Of course, if you get a completely new car you won't have this problem, but then getting it broken in can be like pulling teeth...

Back after a HUGE break

Like you care, pushupreader... Like. You. Care.

But still, I feel like I need to explain the absence. Just so I can get those rusty fingers working...

1. Work after sailing has been bad. Not busy bad. Worse. Not-Working bad. Nothing- Fucking-Works bad.

2. Got a talking to from the boss-man based on work being Nothing-Fucking-Works bad. Boss-man seems to think Nothing-Fucking-Works = Yogi-Ain't-Working.

2a. Getting a talking to from Boss-man is bad. As in, not I'll-cut-off-your-funding bad, but I'm-cutting-off-your-balls-in-front-of-everyone-let's-see-how-smart-you-are-now-asshole bad.

3. Surprisingly though, this hasn't spurred me into working harder. I just get pissed off a lot easier. And stew in my juices, instead of writing.

4. Also, there have been adventures, as always. These have kept me sane. Sure I'm going to blog about the pushy mother, ghetto cabin and broken axle. Of course.

But first, a nice pic from Seneca Aqueduct. it's a great place to go for a hike in Maryland on the banks o the Potomac, even if it's in frigid conditions.

There you have it. OK, enough of all this bearing my heart out bullshit. More writing coming.

Indian Ancestry on Nature's cover. Awesome!

I just got this week's Nature magazine. (Yes, I have a personal subscription. There are copies of Nature and Science on my TV tray. Yes, I am a dork.)

And this is what is on the cover:

The actual article by Reich, Thangaraj, Patterson, Price and Singh (and a really neat "News and Views" section written by Aravinda Chakravarti at Hopkins) basically looks at the variation in genomes of individuals from India. Without getting into the weeds, what they did was to analyze DNA from 25 different groups in India, from different geographical areas, from different castes and language groups, and then do some statistical heavy lifting to look at how similar/dissimilar simple variations in sequences (SNPs) are across these groups.

What these studies reveal is something that anyone (myself included) may have intuited just by growing up in various parts of India. There is an amazing breadth of established groups/communities. I mean, anyone who has seen Indian currency will know that we have 15 national languages, and it is quite commonplace to cross state lines and have absolutely no idea what the hell is being spoken (upon which broken English and furious gesticulation will work). But what this study says is that there are basically "Ancestral North Indians" (ANI) and "Ancestral South Indians" (ASI) who have two distinct lineages (Indo-European and Dravidian, respectively), and current day Indians are basically a melange of these two lineages, with ANIs strong in the North and fading towards the South, and vice-versa with ASIs (the other language groups - Austro-asiatic, Tibeto-burman, and Andamanese are sub-variants of ANI and ASIs). This spectrum is reflected in skin color (light to dark), languages, and even caste structure. (Upper and middle tend to be more ANIs, lower castes tend to cluster with ASIs.

The group also makes a case for "founder effects" (basically, genetic bottlenecks) well AFTER 3000 BC when the Dravidians showed up, and 1500 BC when the Indo-European speakers showed up, suggesting that many dispersed communities were established and then they stayed put. The paper also reveals little nuggets - the Santhal and Kharia tribes, which are Austro-asiatic, are descendants of people that arrived 60,000 years ago? Yep, sixTY thousand. The groups also makes the case for marriages within communities (endogamy) has been happening for many centuries, resulting in some interesting disease predispositions.

Overall, this is one really cool study, which you should read (even if the stats may be somewhat inaccessible). As Chakravarti points out, this is only the start - many more detailed analyses should be done on the Indian population to get a true picture of the genetic tapestry that is India.

But that being said, the concept of ANIs and ASIs brings me back to something I have always said : North and South India are two different countries, man...

Women: cock-blockers of the first order

Yeah, I know, I know, you all already know this. Men and women think differently. Men come from Venus, and women come from Mars or some such b.s. Well, you're wrong.

Men come from Hey-let's-give-this-guy-a-chance, and women come from Hey-let's-crush-this-dude's-balls. Let me explain.

When men are at a bar (or some equivalent social locale) and start up a conversation with a bunch of women and one of the men takes a fancy for one of the women and starts talking to her and it's obvious that she's into him too, do you know what we men do?

We let them be.

With the one and only exception of obviously foreseeable irreversible physical harm that might occur (after multiple beers, everyone can make mistakes, and it is the duty of the group to ensure that their friend lives another day - this has happened to me and I'm glad for it), we let them go their own way. Whatever happens happens. They both are ADULTS, they can reach their own decisions. Our best wishes are with the guy, and we let him make the best he can out of the evening.

When WOMEN are at a bar (or some equivalent social locale) and start up a conversation with a bunch of men and one of the men takes a fancy for one of the women and starts talking to her and it's obvious that she's into him too, do you know what the women do?

They decide all of a sudden, oh no, we can't allow our dear friend (who've we've been bitching about all this while because she's wearing old 06 Blahniks and has the wrong shade of eyeshadow) to make her own mind up about the dude she's having a fun time with. Oh no, we can't. We've been drinking our martinis all night and making catty comments at all the other girls who look like they're having a great time. Oh, we know we're going home alone tonight and crying ourselves to sleep after eating that half tub of icecream and feeding the cats, pretending that we really are too good for the trash out there in the city while knowing full well that we're going to hit 35 and then realize that we're running out of time to churn out babies and then decide that that shlub from high school who admitted that he jerked off to our graduation photos all through college and still lives in his mom's basement while earning 10 bucks an hour at the local florist and who's only upwardly mobile posession is his hairline, all of a sudden seems to be a stable and sensitive guy, and that as a result of having gotten hitched to this winner in the future, we're going to end up living the rest of our lives wanting to shoot ourselves in the face to lessen the pain of a pointless wasted life.

Still, with all of this, you know what they do? They execute the classic cock-block. They lead their bewildered friend away, "Oh honey, it's for your own good...." leaving yogi (equally bewildered) wondering what the heck just happened. Listen, if I looked like a rapist, fine. If I was smashed and acting creepy, fine. If I was sober and taking advantage of a clearly drunk woman, that's kosher too. But if she is obviously having a great time and we are in the MIDDLE OF EXCHANGING PHONE NUMBERS, LET. HER. BE.

Listen, you stupid dumbasses. I don't know what your problem is. Let your ADULT friend make her own decisions. She's smart and can handle herself, which is why yogi liked her in the first place. If she needs your help or if she needs to extricate herself from an awkward situation, she'll let you fucking know. Or, god forbid, she might actually take care of herself.

Ted Kennedy - couple words

Say what you might about his personal life (and there is much to say, not much of it positive), the man was great.

Listen, he lost not one, not two, but ALL THREE of brothers under extraordinarily difficult circumstances - he was the youngest of them all. To carry on the family name in the glare of the national spotlight was not easy. To have accomplished what he did in the senate was truly great. He fought for liberal ideals, and we're all better for it. Right from the nuclear freeze, to the Anti-apartheid act, to funding Americorps to funding for women's sports to Immigration reform. But most importantly, he was a champion of health rights. COBRA, AIDS funding, SCHIP... the little things (or big things, depending on your situation) that we take for granted, many of them can be traced back to legislation introuced by or fought for by Ted Kennedy. It's amazing that he had the strength to fight the good fight over so many years, despite having being undercut so often by Republican colleagues and administrations.

You might say that his rough experiences do not excuse his alcoholism or his philandering or Chappaquiddick, and I would agree to some extent; but there have been so many who have had much less happen to them, and have frittered away entire lives and fortunes.

Truly a man who fought for the less fortunate in society all through his life. We'll miss him.

Now if only those assholes in congress can get their shit together and pass meaningful health reform...

Great new weight loss plan!!!

Here's my 5-step plan that I plan to patent:

1. Get a bad upper-respiratory tract infection.

2. Suffer for about a week. The sneezing, hacking and coughing will tone your abs.

3. Go on a 5-day course of Azythromycin.

4. Your bowels will turn to mush. You will get the shits so bad that you will be spewing contents of your esophagus down, about 4 times a day.

5. Weigh yourself to see the slimmer, healthier and lighter you!!!

It's quite simple, really.

Of course, there is an Optional Deluxe package of Indian parents showing up at your house on that same week. In this case, you will also experience:

6. Home-made super spicy traditional Indian food (known to turn bowels to mush even in healthy individuals).

7. Deceptively counter-intuitive ribbing from mother regarding appearance of the smallest of convexities around the midriff (Hey yogi -poke, poke, poke at belly flab- you've put on weight with all this American food)

8. Constant badgering of Indian mom about getting married (known to turn Indian and Jewish bowels to mush).

9. Daily dose of "advice" from Indian parents. This will involve the point-by-point dissection of various character flaws in exquisite detail every morning. And afternoon. And evening. Of course, all for my own good.

And the Ultra-deluxe package, which will shave off another 10 pounds, guaranteed:

10. Long weekend camping with extended Indian family in the middle of nowhere, none of whom have camped before.

I'm done.

The GPS makes you stupid - here's proof

Did you hear about this?

Well, a couple drove to Carpi in Italy instead of Capri, Italy. The fact that it is some 400 miles away from Capri is bad enough, but CAPRI IS AN ISLAND YOU MORON. When you don't cross an expanse of water to get to the place, maybe you should have had second thoughts...

Seriously though, I do feel that a GPS dulls your innate sense of direction. I have asked people how to get to a particular place, and ordinarily, you get a decent response: go this way, you'll see a McDonalds, take a right... whatever. You ask a GPS slave, and you'll draw a blank. Take their precious away, and they'll be reduced to a bunch of blithering idiots behind the wheel.

Weird space issues riding the metro

You know how you're riding on a crowded train and there's someone just a leeeeetle too close to you and both of you know it? It's weird, I mean, because you're as close to this person as s/he is to you, and s/he is obviously as discomfited with your proximity as you are of his/hers, and there's not a damn thing either of you can do about it because you're all packed in like sardines in a rickety box that could kill a bunch of you because it's been three decades since your city's metro has done an overhaul of the train system.

Well, it's worse when this other person is a cute thing. It's all very awkward and all you want to do it get the hell out. Gaack.

Thank goodness we still have pretty rainbows.

Pushupmom loves me. I think.

So I went to see my mum this weekend; I'm seeing her after about a year (hey, I call every week, ok? I'm not a jerk, she just lives far away).

First thing she tells me after giving me a quick up-and-down?

"Yogi, you've put on weight. Especially here. (Jabs at my midriff). Little paunch... Getting old, what?"

And then she proceeds to stuff my face with some super delicious Indian food. Thanks mom. I love you too. And now back to my crunches and pushups to get rid of all that lard...

Deep Thought

Why is it that when someone kills somebody else in the name of Jesus, the immediate defense is that the guy "is crazy, he has nothing to do with the real christian religion", but when someone kills someone in the name of Islam, "that's just a flawed religion that teaches people to kill".

Well?

Update: Nice comment, Anon. And true too. The Old Testament's God is a pretty vengeful dude. Jesus gets warm and fuzzy and doesn't tell gays they're going to be killed.