The Handshake vs. Hug conundrum

I went to a graduation ceremony the other day, and it was all very nice, very solemn, inspirational speech by some distinguished old dude, all the bells and whistles. (Though I have to say, that "pomp and circumstance" music does grate after a while. Why don't people do something else? I heard that at Brandeis, they had Jai Ho (pussycat dolls version) to start things off, and the faculty arrived to a techno rendition of Hava Nagila. (Here is a pretty zany rendition, complete with sax in the background)

Everything was going according to plan with the hooding ceremony; bright young things would walk up, get hooded, shake hands with the preceptor, walk over, get their degree from the dean, and keep walking. One or two brought a baby, a couple waved timidly to the audience as they walked off stage. Ho hum.

And then came the brother. He had won some award, and was clearly a favorite of the faculty. And this dude was a sharp looking brother, dreads and all. Lady killer. And then the hooder did something that screwed up everything afterward. He gave him a brother hug. Which is like a handshake (fingers over wrist, not under) followed by a chest bump with the other arm draped over the shoulder.

the dude went his way, and so did the hooder. Up came the next pair. And then the mayhem started. The graduand went for a handshake; the woman hooding him went for a hug. Midway they tried to correct and went the other way round. And then corrected again. End result: woman having one arm around the guy's neck and the other holding his wrist as he held her waist and karate chopped her in the boob. And that happened ALL NIGHT. I mean, over and over and over. It was incredibly awkward. Plus the added confusion of "Do I go over to the right as I hug? Or left?" which is much more dangerous because if you get that wrong, you'd be locking lips with your thesis advisor in front of a thousand of your colleagues.

It was terrible. Fortunately there were a few who made it absolutely clear from the start; they'd walk up to get hooded with open arms, and you just can't shake hands then. Or they'd walk in with their one arm outstretched and (with the exception of a couple really determined members of the faculty) get a warm handshake.

Which brings me to my idea. You can either be blunt and walk up like those folks, which in my opinion is a little awkward because you don't do the hug/shake thing until AFTER you get hooded, or you need to have a secret sign - a little shrug of the shoulders and bat your eyelids means you want to be hugged. Or a little fist bump against your own chest means you get a brother hug. A tug of your gown means you want the occasion to be formal and not all warm and fuzzy.

That, trust me will save you and your advisor some embarassment. Though it will rob the event of some humor...

ps: Here is an AWESOME metal version of Hava Nagila

pps: Nicole Scherzinger (lead singer of PussyCat Dolls) is hhaaaaaaatttt.... Can't believe she isn't Indian... take a look at her in the Jai Ho video above. The dude who sings the "Jai Ho" is AR Rahman btw, the music director - won the academy award for SlumDog. Comes from my state :)