The GPS makes you stupid - here's proof

Did you hear about this?

Well, a couple drove to Carpi in Italy instead of Capri, Italy. The fact that it is some 400 miles away from Capri is bad enough, but CAPRI IS AN ISLAND YOU MORON. When you don't cross an expanse of water to get to the place, maybe you should have had second thoughts...

Seriously though, I do feel that a GPS dulls your innate sense of direction. I have asked people how to get to a particular place, and ordinarily, you get a decent response: go this way, you'll see a McDonalds, take a right... whatever. You ask a GPS slave, and you'll draw a blank. Take their precious away, and they'll be reduced to a bunch of blithering idiots behind the wheel.

Eating pig tongue on a fine Saturday afternoon

Yes, I know, I'm vegetarian. But I also will try anything. So when my buddies told me they were having a pig roast this past weekend, of course I went. I had a great time, what with meeting a bunch of old pals. However, there was no doubt from the start that the evening was all about the pig. There were a few things that I learned pretty quickly, and these I present to you with visual aids.

1. Our pig was named Howard, but all the people kept referring to Howard as "her". Here is Howard. Howard looks somewhat displeased at the turn of events.

2. The probable reason for his ill-tempered disposition: a steel rod going in through his mouth, and out of his rectum.

3. This is what a steel rod will do to your rectum.

4. People attending the event didn't seem too perturbed by Howard's discomfiture. Placement of fruit in the mouth may have helped placate the pig.


And as far as eating the tongue went, well, I have seen Andrew Zimmern eat a bunch of tongue and keep talking about how awesome it was. Um, maybe he was eating finely prepared bovine tongue, or he's got a nut loose somewhere. When I ate Howard's tongue, it honestly felt like I was french-kissing a pig with third degree burns, and then swallowing both our tongues. This was not an enjoyable culinary experience.

Also, given my vegetarian and raw diet, it has taken me more than a day for Howard's tongue to make its way through my system. My duodenum has not taken kindly to it, and is protesting, mostly in the form of flatulence with a distinctly porcine bouquet (heady stuff), all day long.

Verdict: Worth the experience, probably will not repeat.

Bethesda is one snooty town

So I'm at this bar called the Harp and Fiddle, which is a pretty decent place, if you like pretend-Irish bars in the US. I'm with a friend that I hadn't been with in six months or so, and so there's a bunch of catching up to do. So here we are, on a Wednesday, at happy hour, chatting about our miserable lives and generally having a good time when a little old lady walks up to us and says:

"Could you two please lower your voices? My husband is playing, and both your voices really carry." and she has this look on her face (the "could-you-kids-please-shut-the-fuck-up-eh? please? ok? thanks." THAT look)

Both of us are dumbfounded because we don't know what she's talking about. I mean, both Kim and I are from Baltimore, where sure, there might be the occasional fight and gunshot wounds and drug dealing, but NO ONE has come up to us and told us to shut up. EVER. So we stare at her, and then we see she's walking back to the other side of the bar, where sure enough, there's a wizened old man playing on a lute or something. We had thought it was bar music, and we we had to talk over it to hear each other. Turns out it was this septuagenarian with a replacement hip cranking out civil war era tunes on his venerable instrument, much to the delight of his wife. I mean, she had her eyes closed and was swaying to the music in the kind of unchained rapture that I will attribute to menopause and a lack of sex for a couple decades. And of course a giant pineapple up the ass.

I mean. What the fuck.

Last time I checked, we weren't at the Carnegie.
We're at a bar.
At a fucking Wednesday happy hour.

I'm sorry I had to raise my voice to be heard above the cacophony that your geriatric spouse was cranking out, ok? But the next time you want to experience auditory orgasmic bliss in silence, tell your hubby to play Wagner in bed.

And the next time, if there is one, that you tell me to shut up, I WILL punch you in the face. Or well, maybe kick your fucking cane out from under you.

Call center at work

Well, it's not *quite* a call center because this was at work, but hey, what else do you call four Indian dudes who line up in a row in front of computers...

Weird space issues riding the metro

You know how you're riding on a crowded train and there's someone just a leeeeetle too close to you and both of you know it? It's weird, I mean, because you're as close to this person as s/he is to you, and s/he is obviously as discomfited with your proximity as you are of his/hers, and there's not a damn thing either of you can do about it because you're all packed in like sardines in a rickety box that could kill a bunch of you because it's been three decades since your city's metro has done an overhaul of the train system.

Well, it's worse when this other person is a cute thing. It's all very awkward and all you want to do it get the hell out. Gaack.

Thank goodness we still have pretty rainbows.

The Hangover - shortest movie review ever

Speaking of movies, I caught The Hangover the other day.

DEFINITE WATCH.

Incredibly funny. Except for the stereotypical gay asian dude.

And the fact that you see Zach Galifianakis' dick during the closing credits.

(Actually that's a lie - it's pretty funny too)

The Hurt Locker - quick review

Just came back from watching The Hurt Locker. I had read good reviews about this movie, but I thought it ran the risk of being a CSI type show, except, you know, with a bomb disposal squad, and made for the big screen.

But no, you'd be surprised at how awesome the movie is. It's about the last few weeks of a bomb disposal squad of 3 guys in Bravo company in Iraq in 2004. I've been thinking about what makes this movie so good, but I can't quite put a finger on it. No big names (except a couple neat cameos that I'll let you see for yourself), and it's not like the acting was that great. Also, not that it was visually breathtaking, or that the screenplay was memorable. I am just not quite sure what makes it work, except that I know that I was totally sore from being tensed up and on the edge of my seat for 2 hours. It's not even a crazy adrenaline rush of a movie. Its just taut and tense all along. Great job by Kathryn Bigelow (yep, a chick. Point Break was her too.) directing this flick.

Don't expect a war movie like Platoon or Apocalypse Now; what you'll get instead is a really neat suspense action movie that happens to be set in Iraq.

Definite WATCH.

Bush Co. Cover up of the Dasht-e Leili massacre

I had only read snippets of this massacre previously, but now this video really really brought it home for me.

Watch the video, it is chilling.



Dostum is an Afghani Pol Pot. And we not only befriended the guy, we called him our ally, made him a minister, allowed him to kill thousands in our name, and still continued to support him AND HELPED COVER UP THE MASS MURDER HE ORCHESTRATED.

It makes me sick.

And you want us to "move forward?"

Steve McNair, and now, Arturo Gatti?????

Oh no!!!! This is terrible news...

This is truly a sad day for boxing. Arturo Gatti, for those of you who don't know, was Welterweight champion of the world in the mid 90s. But it wasn't his champion status that makes him a hero in my eyes; it's his absolute honesty as a boxer. The guy was a true fighter. A bit wanting on technique, maybe. But what heart. And of course, what a jaw. It was made of concrete. I mean, this guy would. not. go. down.

You've got to see his fights against Mickey Ward - one of the most thrilling displays of boxing you will ever see. I was watching the fight (for the nth time) just last week. Even if you aren't a fan, go watch the clips and tell me if your hair isn't standing on end by the end of the fight. And here is a bit from the HBO special about the fight.

Steve McNair, killed by jealous/evil mistress.
Arturo Gatti, killed by jealous/evil girlfriend. (or atleast, suspected to have been killed by the woman)

I'm not absolving them of wrongdoing (what the hell was Steve McNair thinking??? This woman was barely 20, and he has 4 kids...), and I'm not saying all women associated with rich/famous sportsmen are evil. But this is really lousy. I'm all pissed off.

Bryce & Zion - backcountry hiking in Utah

BLOGGER IS NOT LETTING ME UPLOAD PICS - WILL DO LATER.

Well, here's a short little write-up about where I went this last week:

we flew into Vegas; sure enough, my backpack was the last one to come out, and when I hoisted it on my shoulders, there was an unmistakable smell of hot sauce (fucking TSA had opened my pack and the bottle apparently, and hadn't shut it. So all my stuff was saturated with HOT hot sauce. Awesome. So much for the thin air of Utah - all I coul breathe was habaneros all week. I did the entire trip with my eyes watering.)

Anyways, we drove out to Bryce (its about 3 hours from Vegas). Here's a tip - instead of interstate US-15 followed by 9 (in which case you will have to pass throught Zion), take US-15 and go on ahead till you hit 14, then take 89N. you'll drive through Dixie and Red Canyon, which are great drives. (9 is pretty average.)

Hiking is great in Bryce. The temps are lower than you'd think (40s ay night at 70s/80s during in the day - in July!), and of all the things we got pelted by hail at 2pm on the first day, so whatever you think of desert hiking, this is not it. So an extra layer (and a poncho) is well worth it.

But it is high-ish altitude; probably not enough to make you sick, but certainly something to keep in mind if you're prone to that kind of thing. Vegas is 2500 or so ft, Bryce is between 7500 and 9000 ft. The views of Bryce Canton are indeed breathtaking; I was expecting something close to Canyonlands (I've been there before), but this was totally different.

The hiking itself is pretty tough. Bryce only has one back-country trail which is unfortunate because you'd think the place has so much to offer. But the one trail that does exist is really awesome. Do it from South to North (its not a loop), so you'll be going downhill, and the camping sites are somewhat more convenient. Guess which way we went. Yep. N to S. Which is why at the end of day 1 we looked like this:

You'll be surprised at how varied the terrain is - there are almost pre-historic looking bogs that can really, well, bog you down. Rough going, but truly worth it. Water is a bit of a problem, but there are two streams that rarely run out. As always, do check with the rangers, but we didn't have a problem.

There are also camping areas near the North end of Bryce, and we crashed there for a night. It seemed adequate, nothing special, but you know how it is, once you camp in the backcountry, anything else seems really lame... But Bryce seems to have a bunch of walking tours (ranger programs, a midnight tour which I am told it not to be missed etc.) , and so if that's your thing, you should be happy.

1. See the hoodoos (ideally on the "under the rim" trail), worth it.
2. I won't bore you with the geological details, but learn about the stuff - its cool.
3. Peekaboo trail is somewhat overrated - horses use it, and I don't like horses. Or horse poo, which is abundant on the trail (alongwith the accompanying flies).
4. Navajo is super-steep but very good.
5. Obey speed limits. The cops are like hawks in the damn place. I'm now $125 poorer but wiser. Why not just be wise and resist the temptation to do 57 in a 35 zone?

We hit Zion on the way back - we could only stay there for a day, but here are a few things about Zion.

1. LOT more crowded than Bryce - reserve spaces!
2. much more infrastructure (shuttle to take you around, huge visitor center etc)
3. Absolutely ANAL camping rules. Bryce is a lot more laid back. Prepare to be pissed off about some inconvenience in the name of "following rules" at some point.
4. Do not miss Angel's landing. Its worth it. And for your own sanity/well being/health, please do that hike early in the morning. After 10:30 or so you'll lose the shade and the uphill hike WILL. KILL. YOU. We came downhill at 1 or so, and I wanted to die.

I fell sick on the way back (cold) which sucked, but overall, this is a trip well worth doing if you like backpacking.

what friends do when you let them use your room

That's 13 notches in the 5 days that I was roughing it out in Utah. Which means:

1. The guy is a stallion.
2. Extra heavy duty rinse cycle for my sheets.

Well, at least SOMEONE is seeing some action...

AWOL in Utah...

... and dead tired.

A week on the back country trails can be exhilarating, but it sure leaves your body feeling a bit beat up. Photos coming, methinks.