Good Restroom Bad Restroom

Restroom at work. I feel bad.



On the other hand, I went to a soccer game the other day and they had these trailers that were fancy restrooms. I mean, they were the most comfortable thing about the evening (Blistering hot day, and we had the worst seats in the place). I probably could have gotten beaten up for taking photographs in the men's room, but hey, I had to show you how awesome the place was. It smelled good, I could see my face in the polished granite.

Trains at a Station

Speaking of which, I took this with my cell phone. The bright light you see at the end of the tunnel is a waiting train. The train in the foreground switched tracks just past the station, but still, for a bit, it looked like one train headed directly for another. Wish I had a better camera though.

Browning 12-gauge vs. yogi shoulder

Winner: Browning 12-guage. Barely. I know, I know, it's a sissy bruise, barely one at all. But if you've got good form, all you should've seen in the pic would be yogi's rippling and unblemished deltoids.

See, this is the problem when you go shooting with friends - everyone's talking, there are pretty women around, you want to impress them with your form, and then, just for the one round, you lose your focus just a bit and loosen up. And of course, since it's a 12-gauge, that means that when you fire, there's a skull-rattling recoil and your shoulder and cheekbone let you know for the next three hours that they were somewhat displeased by the turn of events.

But still, just because it's a matter of pride, I have to include a little factoid that you don't really need to know, but do now that I have told you - I still beat out the kids from Utah to win our little competition. Take that, Hansens.

Skinny Puppy at DC

I was just looking at some of my cell phone pics when I saw a couple that took a second to register. And then of course I remembered the concert. It's the one where the six foot tall Jewish girl (not counting her 6 inch platforms) that me and my buddies had gone with got thrown out for punching a somewhat overenthusiastic fan in the face. (The guy's dancing got somewhat muted after this incident. I also saw him get some ice from the bartender afterward, so I guess there was some shoulder behind that punch).

Anyway, if you think you're seeing a dude swathed in bloody bandages and wearing a dunce cap, you would be correct. That's Nivek Ogre, the frontman for Skinny Puppy - an awesome industrial band that you should really listen to. if you think their old stuff is a bit much to stomach, their sound has gotten more refined these past few years. But there's no mistaking who they are. Their music is fantastic, and their shows are even better. The guy showed up in a walker, mask, and bloody costume, which he then peeled off in layers as the night went on.


Oh, midway through, the dunce cap started smoking. And there was (fake) blood sprayed on stage. Certain to give the fainthearted some serious nightmares. In other words, fucking awesome.

But in the middle of all this, I do have one small request for people wanting to mosh. If you are a fat ass weighing in at more than, oh I don't know, a buck eighty, take it easy on the Indian dude who's there for the music, will you? Especially if you have long dirty blond dreads that whip around in three foot arcs (at eye-level on a crowded floor. Deadly), and if you are the sweaty type that wears no-sleeve tees (to an industrial concert on a cold November evening). Thanks.

Tweed Ride - Yogi is famous!

Who would've thunk that. Apparently if you hang around a Penny Farthing long enough you get your mug in the local paper. Either that or the combination of the Indian dude and the U-Haul was too much for the editor to resist. Anyway, just so you know, I am now officially a celebrity, so buy me a beer, will ya?

Yeah, I know, I got sandwiched (for eternity now) between Janet Jackson and Khaled Fucking Sheikh Mohammed. But you know how it is, you got to grab all the opportunities you have to tell everyone how awesome you are...

DC Tweed Ride photos

Finally, a chance to upload some photos that don't really do justice to what was a really awesome event. There's this peculiar little group called Dandies and Quaintrelles that decided that this fall would be a great time to go out and reclaim the streets of downtown DC for bicyclists. When wearing our best tweed, of course. Because that's how we roll.

The event was called the DC Tweed Ride, and a solid 500 people (at the every least, I should think) showed up on what was a beautiful fall morning. Yogi is not quite a morning person, especially in the absence of caffeine, but still I showed up to see this:

Yep. Absolute mayhem in some alley chock-full of nattily dressed DC locals in tweed, somewhere in Northeast DC.

There were accessories too. Pipes -

Moustaches (some fake, some real)

And a couple Penny Farthings. Awesome.


We took DC by storm. Well, we biked through a bunch of lights and used up all the lanes, which made us feel invincible (not bad for a couple hours a year). We doffed our hats often, waved our parasols, and there was a bunch of "Hellooo there"s and "Good Morning to you Sir"s and "Hip Hip Hoorah"s being dished out by the riders to somewhat dazed onlookers, who fell neatly into one of three categories:

1. What the fuck. Get out of my way, assholes. (These, to DC's credit, were few and far between)
2. Aw, sweet. Antique bikes and Tweed! And doesn't that Indian dude look cute. Clap, clap, and/or honk honk.
3. Man, what the fuck did that dude/chick slip in my drink last night...

But we rode on, undeterred.



We stopped over at the white house. The big man wasn't in, unfortunately... Schmoozing with the Chinese so we can still live happy debt-ridden lives, apparently.

And since no event is quite complete without a bunch of beer to wet parched throats (warm day + physical activity + tweed? Phew!) we went and got plastered at a local bar. I thought Marvin's looked like a speakeasy packed with one hell of a good-looking crowd that day... Good times.

Also, for photos that don't suck, and for English that's a lot cleaner, you really should check this link.

Halloween this year...

... was a repeat from way back. Cheating. But fun. Yogi is nothing if he isn't classy.


Worried you might get let down on that important date???
Scared that your mojo might go AWOL in times of need???
HAVE NO FEAR, BONERMAN IS HERE!!!


Boner Man's Power Belt had Viagra and ExtenZe (fake packs. Of course.), K-Y, 5-hour energy drinks, something I bought from Target that was battery driven and guaranteed "20 minutes of quivering pleasure. Batteries not included" (no I don't know what it was; I gifted it to my roommates lady friend) and, as a last resort clearly, a wrist exerciser.

Great reception for the costume, absolutely shredded inner thighs because of walking with the prop. Yes it's a prop. No, there is no subliminal psychological compensatory thinking here.

(Same) Rat Fail. Dog Win.

No, we didn't feed the rat to the dog. But we did let it play around with it for a bit. Are we bad people? Dunno. Seemed fun.

Rat Fail. Trap Win.

Looks almost like he's still alive, doesn't it? He's dead though.

Back from Sailing in the Solent

Yep, that's why there wasn't much writing - I was on a sailboat with pushupmom and pushupdad. Good times. Yes, yes, more detailed post coming up, as soon as I get over some serious jet-lag...


At the Needles, at the very western tip of the Isle of Wight.


Anchored at Alum Bay, on a very quiet day.


Sailing at daybreak, heading back towards Portsmouth


At the bow of Sarah. The waters of the Solent lie below.

Someone who wants to get REAL close to Obama

Outside a Home Depot somewhere near DC. Man, I've heard of hero worship, but this...?

Yeah, that's an Obama decal. And all those things are Obama stickers.

ps: The guy was an Indian dude. I'm taking this photo from my cell phone, and he stops by me and says "Photo? - thet vill be vunn daallar, hahaha", and revvs off giving me a peace sign as I stand there dumbfounded and wondering what the hell hit me.

Favre welcomed to the Metrodome

UNFORTUNATE PHOTO (OR *VERY* WARM WELCOME BACK)

OK, first of all, I never was a big Favre fan. Listen, I get why some people in the frigid North might be. There's nothing to do in the godforsaken place except park your ass in front of a TV set and watch a bunch of people play ball. I get it. So I would see why you would worship your QB if he's stuck around for a bit and has brought home a superbowl after a drought of several decades.

But this whole Brett Favre Saga has just gotten out of hand. First, he retires, then unretires, then retires, then promises he's done, then unretires and joins another team, then retires, then unretires, then promises he's really done, goes plays ball with some kids, then unretires and joins the arch rivals of the team that he was with for almost two decades.

Oh, and don't forget the tears each time. Yeah, so screw you Favre. You're a selfish, self-centered dickhead. So when you played like a high school quarterback last night, it made me think you're going to have a torrid year ahead. You went 1 of 4 for a mighty 4 yards. And that sack you took from Corey Mays? Sweet.

Although when I saw the pic today on SI, I must say, it does look like Corey is REALLY glad to have you back at QB. Cough, cough. That's either a very unfortunate photograph or one hell of a welcome back.

Eating pig tongue on a fine Saturday afternoon

Yes, I know, I'm vegetarian. But I also will try anything. So when my buddies told me they were having a pig roast this past weekend, of course I went. I had a great time, what with meeting a bunch of old pals. However, there was no doubt from the start that the evening was all about the pig. There were a few things that I learned pretty quickly, and these I present to you with visual aids.

1. Our pig was named Howard, but all the people kept referring to Howard as "her". Here is Howard. Howard looks somewhat displeased at the turn of events.

2. The probable reason for his ill-tempered disposition: a steel rod going in through his mouth, and out of his rectum.

3. This is what a steel rod will do to your rectum.

4. People attending the event didn't seem too perturbed by Howard's discomfiture. Placement of fruit in the mouth may have helped placate the pig.


And as far as eating the tongue went, well, I have seen Andrew Zimmern eat a bunch of tongue and keep talking about how awesome it was. Um, maybe he was eating finely prepared bovine tongue, or he's got a nut loose somewhere. When I ate Howard's tongue, it honestly felt like I was french-kissing a pig with third degree burns, and then swallowing both our tongues. This was not an enjoyable culinary experience.

Also, given my vegetarian and raw diet, it has taken me more than a day for Howard's tongue to make its way through my system. My duodenum has not taken kindly to it, and is protesting, mostly in the form of flatulence with a distinctly porcine bouquet (heady stuff), all day long.

Verdict: Worth the experience, probably will not repeat.

Call center at work

Well, it's not *quite* a call center because this was at work, but hey, what else do you call four Indian dudes who line up in a row in front of computers...

Bryce & Zion - backcountry hiking in Utah

BLOGGER IS NOT LETTING ME UPLOAD PICS - WILL DO LATER.

Well, here's a short little write-up about where I went this last week:

we flew into Vegas; sure enough, my backpack was the last one to come out, and when I hoisted it on my shoulders, there was an unmistakable smell of hot sauce (fucking TSA had opened my pack and the bottle apparently, and hadn't shut it. So all my stuff was saturated with HOT hot sauce. Awesome. So much for the thin air of Utah - all I coul breathe was habaneros all week. I did the entire trip with my eyes watering.)

Anyways, we drove out to Bryce (its about 3 hours from Vegas). Here's a tip - instead of interstate US-15 followed by 9 (in which case you will have to pass throught Zion), take US-15 and go on ahead till you hit 14, then take 89N. you'll drive through Dixie and Red Canyon, which are great drives. (9 is pretty average.)

Hiking is great in Bryce. The temps are lower than you'd think (40s ay night at 70s/80s during in the day - in July!), and of all the things we got pelted by hail at 2pm on the first day, so whatever you think of desert hiking, this is not it. So an extra layer (and a poncho) is well worth it.

But it is high-ish altitude; probably not enough to make you sick, but certainly something to keep in mind if you're prone to that kind of thing. Vegas is 2500 or so ft, Bryce is between 7500 and 9000 ft. The views of Bryce Canton are indeed breathtaking; I was expecting something close to Canyonlands (I've been there before), but this was totally different.

The hiking itself is pretty tough. Bryce only has one back-country trail which is unfortunate because you'd think the place has so much to offer. But the one trail that does exist is really awesome. Do it from South to North (its not a loop), so you'll be going downhill, and the camping sites are somewhat more convenient. Guess which way we went. Yep. N to S. Which is why at the end of day 1 we looked like this:

You'll be surprised at how varied the terrain is - there are almost pre-historic looking bogs that can really, well, bog you down. Rough going, but truly worth it. Water is a bit of a problem, but there are two streams that rarely run out. As always, do check with the rangers, but we didn't have a problem.

There are also camping areas near the North end of Bryce, and we crashed there for a night. It seemed adequate, nothing special, but you know how it is, once you camp in the backcountry, anything else seems really lame... But Bryce seems to have a bunch of walking tours (ranger programs, a midnight tour which I am told it not to be missed etc.) , and so if that's your thing, you should be happy.

1. See the hoodoos (ideally on the "under the rim" trail), worth it.
2. I won't bore you with the geological details, but learn about the stuff - its cool.
3. Peekaboo trail is somewhat overrated - horses use it, and I don't like horses. Or horse poo, which is abundant on the trail (alongwith the accompanying flies).
4. Navajo is super-steep but very good.
5. Obey speed limits. The cops are like hawks in the damn place. I'm now $125 poorer but wiser. Why not just be wise and resist the temptation to do 57 in a 35 zone?

We hit Zion on the way back - we could only stay there for a day, but here are a few things about Zion.

1. LOT more crowded than Bryce - reserve spaces!
2. much more infrastructure (shuttle to take you around, huge visitor center etc)
3. Absolutely ANAL camping rules. Bryce is a lot more laid back. Prepare to be pissed off about some inconvenience in the name of "following rules" at some point.
4. Do not miss Angel's landing. Its worth it. And for your own sanity/well being/health, please do that hike early in the morning. After 10:30 or so you'll lose the shade and the uphill hike WILL. KILL. YOU. We came downhill at 1 or so, and I wanted to die.

I fell sick on the way back (cold) which sucked, but overall, this is a trip well worth doing if you like backpacking.

what friends do when you let them use your room

That's 13 notches in the 5 days that I was roughing it out in Utah. Which means:

1. The guy is a stallion.
2. Extra heavy duty rinse cycle for my sheets.

Well, at least SOMEONE is seeing some action...

Crazy Awkward T-shirt moment

So I was gardening today, and a neighbor happened to step outside her house with her children. She was being sweet and waved to me and made her kids wave as well, you know, like a good neighbor. She asked me something about the hydrangeas from beyond the fence, and I went over to my side of the fence to reply to her. I walked over with a giant smile and started talking to her, and all of a sudden her face got all twisted into something very unpleasant, she took her (somewhat startled) kids by the hands and stormed into her house.

I didn't quite understand what had just happened - I mean, I swear I was looking pretty much at her eyes (no lower than the neck at least), gave the kids nothing but a little glance, perhaps made a funny face at one of them. I had no idea, and kept mulling over this strange exchange, until I caught my reflection in the glass door on the way in.

Here's what I was wearing. It's a t-shirt from a German tattoo shop.

Sigh.

kid violence on a bright beautiful morning

Nov. 18th 2028.
Mr and Ms Sypnewski hold hands as they look at the destruction wreaked on their pretty town home by their delinquent son, Matt.

"All we did was suggest that he cut back on the crack."
"I thought we were such good parents..."
"When did he get this violent?"
" I don't know. Maybe we'll never know."

Jul. 6th 2009.

Matt Sypnewski, egged on by enthusiastic parents and a motivated coach, takes a kiddie step towards experiencing the joys of mindless distruction.

Greeks love alcohol

I mean, it has to be, because how else would you explain this notice (at a Greek festival I went to last weekend)?

wholly unnecessary alliteration

If you have read this blog enough, you already know by now that the ubiquity of little word plays in today's world of advertising pisses me off, and no word play pisses me off more than the cheapest of all word plays, alliteration.

Merriam-Webster has this definition. Alliteration: The repetition of usually initial consonant sounds in two or more neighboring words or syllables (as wild and woolly, threatening throngs) —called also head rhyme initial rhyme

So when I saw this label on a box of Crumblettes (which by itself pisses me off; it's a crumble, and just because it's small by American standards doesn't mean you can add the "ette" suffix), you can imagine, my head just about exploded.

I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!!?!?!?? WHOLLY WHOLESOME WHOLLICIOUSNESS??????? I WILL TEAR YOU A NEW ASSWHOLE YOU ASSWHOLE!!!!!