Man Vs. Food - the hot curry eating episode

Now I don't know if you've seen this show Man Vs. Food on the travel channel before. First off, what's up with the channel? First it was Andrew Zimmern, who made his millions eating chicken assholes in some Korean alley.Then it was Anthony Bourdain, who did exactly the same thing in a less jolly manner on a different time slot. And now there's Man Vs. Food with Adam Richman. Why don't they just fire Samantha Brown and rename the channel "The weird channel where you can see people eat stuff you really shouldn't be eating."?

Anyway, so the whole premise about the show, as far as I can make out, is that this dude Adam goes about to various parts of the country and eats at local eats and competes in food challenges. The guy seems reasonably affable and portly - which is surprising, because given what he does, he should weigh 450 and have sausages instead of veins. But I've seen him eat a 4.5 lb steak, a 5.5 lb pizza, and almost down a 7.5 lb burger. That's like eating a baby. Coming from a country where there are lots of people who genuinely have little to eat, this much excess is truly repulsive to me. At least with Zimmern, there seems to be a respect for food that nourishes us, even if the food is composed of aviary posteriors. What you have here is a show where your meal is a foe that needs to be vanquished. Its a weird concept.

All this eaten by one man - episode from somewhere in TX:



But you really should see the show if you have a morbid sense of humor. ANY doubts you had about why the hell we are such a fat and sickly country will be immediately and permanently dispelled. Most of the episodes are shot in the South (huh, who'dve thunk THAT?) in ordinary, inexpensive, popular joints. You should just see the patrons of these various eateries stuff their faces with enough meat and fat to reconstitute a small mammal. You KNOW they're going to get their fourth heart attack some time in the next few months, and honestly, I don't care. EXCEPT THAT IT DRIVES UP MY INSURANCE PREMIUMS EVERY TIME YOU HAVE TO CALL IN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT TO HAUL YOUR LARD ASS THROUGH THE DOOR FRAME TO THE ER.

So yes, this pisses me off big time. But anyway, on to this weeks show...

The dude stuffs his face with some more processed animal at one place, an then decides to hit this Indian place in town (NYC I think). They have a challenge - he who can eat a bowl of their hottest curry gets a prize. The owner dude (cue Appu accent) takes him into the kitchen, he and the chef (cue SERIOUS Appu accent - I have no idea what the chef said) strap on gas masks - no kidding - and they make the stuff, adding heapfuls of different kinds of peppers, including a bunch of ground white pepper. Now, I HAVE come face to face with this stuff, and it isn't something to be trifled with. The whole pepper is super small and white - the plant obviously didn't waste energy in things like size and pigmentation - and will absolutely knock you off your feet. You just have to touch it and wipe your face accidentally, and you WILL regret it. They simmer the sauce, which has already taken on the look of molten lava, for a while; then almost as an afterthought, they add a few chunks of chicken to it. The gave this Adam dude some Pulao and Naan, and Mango Lassi to quench the fire. Which is really like pissing into an active volcanic cone and hoping to quiet it down.


Adam Richman, the pain has only just started.



Long story short, the guy actually manages to finish the thing in some time, with some pretty women egging him on (why aren't there babes cheering ME on when I'm eating spicy food at a restaurant, I always wonder). He makes the novice mistake of wiping his face with the napkin that he'd wiped his mouth; and his cherubic face instantly turns the color of Oklahoma on election night. I laugh mercilessly, because all I can think of is his insides pleading for the onslaught to stop.

And then something happens which makes me feel even more sorry for this guy. I mean, I generally fell sorry for people who put their bodies through all this crap for money - come on, who really wants to eat 7.5 lb burgers or chicken assholes? It's humiliating. But this dude Adam really got shafted at the end of this episode. Places that have weird eating challenges give you cash ($500, I've seen it in the past), a framed photo on the wall, a T-shirt and cap, something like that if you win the challenge. You know what Adam Richman got for liquifying his entire alimentary canal and waking up to the most painful crap of his life?

A free beer.

Come on, man...

"You know, I used to work for Satyam before this job..."


Update: Check out the comments! Someone ACTUALLY took the challenge and wrote here - woohoo! No cameras, no pretty women, no bullshit. i.e. A true hero (Also recipient of ONE measly Kingfisher, unfortunately...)