Creepy guys in bar restrooms

The only reason I don't have a pic is because the only thing creepier than the creepy guy in the men's room is taking a photo of the creepy guy in the men's room.

Well, long story short, there are some bars in DC that have dudes parked in the men's room. I don't know why they do this, maybe to ensure there's no drugs or gay sex in the bathrooms, but whatever the reason is, you're having a good time in a crowded bar, you have a bunch of beer, and eventually it's time to empty a kidney. So you walk down to the men's room (focusing on walking dead straight, chest all puffed out, gazing ever-so-casually at the rest of the bar with the supreme confidence of the leader of a pride of lions gazing at his harem), and then just as you relax and get ready to do what you have to do, you smack right into the dude.

He's there, right by the door, looking at you, paper towel at the ready and a steady gaze through you and beyond, a good 500 yards behind your skull. He has little set of things right by the sink too. Cigarettes, breath mints, gum, q-tips. And condoms. And that's just what you could see - I'm sure you could buy car insurance and walking canes from him too, as long as you paid the right price. And as long as he could watch you urinate in a bar. You edge by him, do your thing somewhat self-consciously, remember to flush, and wash your hands thoroughly, all under his undecipherably blank gaze. He then gives you the paper towel, and then waves his hand in front of the damn machine until it spits out some more, tears it out, and goes back to standby mode. You then feel obliged to throw a dollar or so in his tip tray and get the hell out. It's downright creepy.

And it's also bullshittical.

1. There are enough people up there, and I'd like to clear my head for a few seconds. I'd like to do it without some brother looking right at me.
2. I can bloody well wave my hand at a machine to make it spit out some paper at me. I do not need your help.
3. I am never going to take those individual half-unwrapped sticks of gum that have been marinating in aerosolized shit and/or piss for the last few hours.
4. I appreciate your concern and your sense of entrepreneurship with the condom sales, but could you take it outside, please?
4a. btw do you have a lady partner hawking lipstick and tampons in the women's room? I'd like to know.
5. Very smart move, keeping just the two bucks in the collection tray. Just enough to let people know that that what it's there for, yet not enough that people will think you've earned enough money for waving your hand every once in a while and hawking some knick-knacks.

Bar owners, you have to stop this shit. It's stupid and pisses people off. ESPECIALLY if you have a rest room the size of a coffin. The dude was literally looking over my shoulders last night.

Jeez.