Here's to more preservatives in food

You know, I still love my raw diet and all, and I'm still persevering, but that shit really makes your innards SUPER sensitive, man. I went to this bar yesterday, and had a bunch of spicy chili with the works, all loaded on top of fritos. Washed it down with a bunch of beer. Well, I couldn't have all of it, managed about half, and then a bunch of things happened:

I realized how awful all of it tasted. (Sure it felt good on the menu, and it made my mouth water and all that, but once it went into my mouth? Yurgh.)

And soon enough, I started feeling sick. I mean, I had to roll down the windows on the way back home. SICK.

My stomach felt all weird, and the weirdness headed South really slowly through the night, which was mostly sleepless and flatus-filled.

And then this morning my pee smelled of Fritos.

Man, I now know why they call them preservatives, and why they say they're good for you; it's not the food that they preserve, IT'S YOUR INTESTINES!!! What you all need is a fine lining of xanthan gum and Yellow-5 to keep all the REALLY crazy shit from fucking up your insides...