Signs you are at a good Chinese Restaurant (or, why I like Joe's Noodle House, Rockville)

5. You can't locate the place because nothing on the outside of the restaurant is a identifier of the place. Joe's Noodle House had a chinese sign on the outside. Granted, it did say "Noodle House" in smallish test underneath, but it could have been Bob's Noodle House. (There is one such place around, apparently. Bob, like Joe, is presumably fictitious)

4. Once you get in, all communication is restricted to pointing and generic inquisitive/affirmative/negative noises and/or headshakes. Joe's does have people who can speak a smattering of English, but the Mexican helpers throw you off because they don't, and their Chinese is as good as yours, so they can't answer questions about the items on the menu.

3. Speaking of the menu, it has to be at least partly in Chinese, with bad English translation/unheard of words. So See-U Noodle and Plain Millet Congee are a good sign. However, if you get misspelled words like "Domastic" beer, and "Budwiser", you *may* be in trouble. On the other hand, the misspelled words ARE ubiquitous, so maybe you can't uh, read too much into it. (Ba-dum-tisshhh)

2. Happy Chinese people. This is a safe bet for any foreign cuisine; you want a place that the people that invented the cuisine like. So a few nervous white people portends well, while multiple nationalities in the dining room could correlate with disappointment. Of course, if you see a mexican dude in the kitchen, head for the exit.

1. The words "Oooo... i don't know if I could eat THAT" should escape your lips at least once. Joe's has many such things that, as an admittedly not-so-staunch vegetarian, I had qualms eating. But as many of you know, my love for food often exceeds culinary inhibitions that should have been permanently ingrained in my Indian genes. So when I saw Beef Tendon stew, I dug in. (Its chewy, like a tough gelatinous consistency. It had been simmered in the sauce for a long while, so it was delicious). Ditto the other thing that my friend ordered (he did all his talking in Mandarin, just so we could feel inadequate). It had a weird spice that numbed your tongue a bit.

The thing that I did find a bit tough swallowing was the whole fried shrimp. These were big (6") whole shrimp that were dipped in a batter and then deep-fried, like a tempura. Now, I wasn't just going to pop this in my mouth, hold my nose and swallow, like it was some challenge. I took a good five minutes getting through the thing, experiencing every little crunch and pop. It was mild as far as flavor went, but there were a couple of things that made this challenging:

a. The shrimp still had its eyeballs. So as I picked it up and took it to my mouth, I had a rough time overriding the feeling that the thing was looking at me and pleading with me not to eat its face.
b. The biting off of the head. Shrimps might not have giant brains, but there is some non-homogeneity in the general area of its head/neck region of the animal. The eyeballs are soft, but the feelers are crunchy.
c. The damn thing has a hundred legs. Or some large number. These are fried to a crisp, and they tend to scratch on the insides of your mouth and throat. This is somehwat unpleasant because it feels like you're eating a bunch of insects. Also, the alternating of the hard shell and soft flesh is also something to get used to.

One more thing. Throw away the tail area. That's the anus. But you knew that, surely.

So yes, I did have a great time at Joe's. The food is really good and very unlike your local chinese take-out. Its well worth visiting at least once.

But if you're thinking of getting the deep-fried battered shrimp, you've been warned.