I keep bumping into convicts - whats up with that?

So I went to the foot surgeon today. Turns out I also have a fractured toe. (That tree stump sure did a number on me). Nothing to worry about though; its just something that I have to keep clean. And no soccer for the next 3-4 weeks. No stitches - apparently it will heal itself by this time, and all I have to do is make sure that it doesn't get infected. I got a tetanus shot as well.

Here's the tree stump that did the damage. (scroll down for the convict story)



But the interesting thing is that as I'm waiting for the doctor to show up, in walk two prisoners leg and arm shackles, surrounded by armed sheriffs. Funnily, this wasn't my first encounter with jailbirds. There was this one time a few months back, when I was on I-95, taking a bathroom break at a rest stop when the exact same thing
happens. Let me tell you, when you have convicted felons in shackles, all 6'8" and 300 pounds, tattoos and grills, peeing in a tray on either side of you, that makes peeing quite a challenge. Its a delicate balance - you have to unclench your abdominal muscles enough to pee, but not to shit yourself. you don't want to make eye contact, but you don't want to appear fearful. You don't want to have a wide stance and appear too comfortable, but you also don't want to stand at attention. Plus of course, after having watched a couple seasons of 24, you're just waiting for them to whip out a prison made knife of some sort out of their ass and gouge your eyeballs out as they make a desperate attempt to flee.

All of which was racing through my mind as I unzipped my fly. Sure enough, all I could manage was an unsteady trickle. Both cons snicker on either side of me as they unleash a torrent. I start whistling to drown out the metallic drumming of urine on tray, but by this time the damage is done and the guys are beside themselves, laughing at my, uh, piss-poor performance. I continue to stare stoically at the wall for some more time, zip up prematurely in the hurry to end my misery, and get the hell out of there.

None of this happened today. I looked at the shackled cons in the eye, said "Hey, whats up guys" and went right back to filling up my insurance forms, like a man's man would do.

And since you don't believe me, here's a pic. Its from my crappy phone, hence the lousy quality. Plus I didn't want to jump in front of them and ask them to say cheese, man's man or otherwise. So I hid behind my door and stuck my arm out and took the (somewhat hasty) pic.

My courage knows no limits.